Restoration
by iEvenstarEstel
Summary: A journey of healing for Abby and Connor. This fic is a post-script to Prehistoriccat's "One of Our Own". Please read the Author's Note at the beginning of the story.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Restoration 1/3  
><strong>Author: <strong>Evenstar Estel  
><strong>Rating: <strong>M for mature subject matter.  
><strong>CharactersPairing: **Connor/Abby.  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Series 4  
><strong>Genre:<strong> Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> A journey of healing for Abby and Connor.  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> This fic is a post-script to prehistoriccat's story "One of Our Own" in which Abby is sexually assaulted by Philip Burton. My fic details her recovery and her and Connor healing in the aftermath. Written with prehistoriccat's kind permission. Thank you to prehistoriccat for the beta.  
><strong>Warning:<strong> Discussion of sexual assault and abuse.

Restoration  
>2011 Evenstar Estel<p>

Chapter 1

She made the accidental mistake of flinching when he touched her. She'd been lost in thought, leaning on the kitchen counter in Jess' flat when Connor had come up behind her and set his hand on her hip. She'd jolted, not having heard him approach. He'd apologized quickly and taken a step backwards. She'd told him it was alright, she just hadn't been paying attention, but he saw the anguish in his eyes and it turned her in on herself. He hadn't been afraid to touch her after what Philip Burton had done. In fact he'd been extremely protective and close. At night he tucked her up against his body and didn't move a muscle, letting her sleep knowing she was safe. Only five days had passed since her assault and the pair of them were suffering from cabin fever. They'd barely left the flat, or their bedroom. Abby had been feeling the strong effects of the morning-after pill she'd taken to prevent herself from becoming pregnant. She was lethargic and dizzy and coupled with her lingering bruises and damaged muscles from the EMD, she slept most of the time away. The night before Connor had asked her to tell him the details of what Burton had done to her. He told her the he didn't want her to carry the burden alone. He voiced that maybe she'd like to talk to someone, a therapist, and Abby had fallen silent for a long time before giving in and relived the experience, telling him what he'd asked. Afterwards he'd kissed her forehead and gathered her up in his arms. Sleep didn't come easy for either of them.

In the morning she'd spent time alone while he slept in. She showered and at the sight of the bruises on her inner thighs she felt the nausea welling up inside her again. She tried to replace the images and sensations of Philip Burton upon her body with those of Connor, but it wasn't possible yet. She'd been wrestling with those same thoughts when Connor had startled her.

"We should go to the ARC today," Abby said, trying to break the tension. She'd intended for other words to come out of her mouth, but they caught in her throat.

"Abby, I'm not sure..." Connor began. He could barely stomach the idea of her setting foot in that place again. How would she cope with walking the same halls Burton had? Or walking past his office where she'd been violated?

"I need to tend to the menagerie and... and it's stifling here." She cursed herself for making excuses. She'd had courage enough to confess that had happened to her, so why couldn't she go the next step and tell him everything? This was Connor, her faithful and steady rock. They loved each other. She felt herself pulling away from him and knew it was the wrong thing to do. Yet, she couldn't help herself.

"Okay, love. I'm sure Rex misses you."

The day hadn't gone as planned. They'd arrived at the gate and not been permitted to enter, being told that they were no longer employees of Prospero Industries. Connor had been about to launch into a tirade, when she placed her hand on his arm and told him to turn the car around. He pulled over and called Lester. Abby watched the confusion and then to her surprise, joy flitter across his face as he conversed. After he'd hung up his phone he had the most amazed and endearing smile on his face she'd ever seen.

"What's happened?" she asked. He said nothing, but smiled at her and pulled the car out into traffic. The buildings started to become more familiar as they approached their destination. Neither one of them had been to this part of the city since before they'd been stranded in the Cretaceous. They were greeted at the entrance to the vehicle bay by familiar faces. The old ARC, they one they'd left behind, was being restored. The lightness and levity of the atmosphere was palpable and for the first time in nearly a week, Abby smiled. There were bad memories associated with the place - namely Professor Cutter's death, but on the whole this ARC felt like home. They spotted Lester standing at the top of the ramp surveying the work like a king over his kingdom. He nodded at them when they entered and Abby stared at him for quite some time. When he finally smiled at her, she felt a tiny bit of her despair leave her.

"The new menagerie's this way," said Connor. He went to take her hand and at the last moment pulled back, but Abby reached for it and clasped it in her own.

!*!*!

Another three weeks passed and she and Connor fell into a strange routine. They awoke, had separate showers and ate their breakfast. They travelled to the ARC and Abby went to the menagerie and Connor to his new lab. The separation, even though they were in the same building, made them both uncomfortable, but Abby told him they had to get on with their lives and put Philip Burton behind them. There were still anomalies to deal with after all and Connor had important research to concentrate on. No one knew what strings Lester had pulled to get the ARC transferred back to the old building, and nor could they bring themselves to ask. Matt had told her that Lester had been particularly persuasive with the Minister considering Philip Burton had 'abandoned' the anomaly project and fired all the ARC employees without notice. At the very least, the Minister should have been consulted. Burton had officially been declared a missing person, but rumours had surfaced that he'd been involved in various illegal affairs and had escaped to his private island in the Bahamas. Abby preferred not to discuss the man in the least, even with Connor. They ate lunch together, then went home at the end of the day. They slept in the same bed, cuddled close together, but it seemed to Connor that Abby was withdrawing from him. She didn't want to talk about what had happened and he couldn't bring himself to press her.

He sat alone in his lab staring at the same prototype device he'd been fixated on for the past hour. He'd had plans for this device drawn up for a couple of months now, but had only just gotten to constructing it. It was meant to close anomalies, just like Helen Cutter's had. If he could perfect it, then a lot of their problems could be solved. With the frequency and the oddities of the anomalies occurring on a daily basis he needed to get it done, but thoughts strayed to Abby again. He'd been very careful around her. He made sure not to startle her in addition to not making any sort of advances on her could be construed as sexual in nature. He'd secretly gone on the internet to read about how women recovered from the sort of thing Abby had been through, but it was different for everyone and after a while he couldn't stomach the horrible tales of women being hurt. He told Abby he loved her every night before they fell asleep and she said it back, but the big elephant in the room cast a shadow over their relationship. He'd suggested counselling again, but she'd changed the subject. He wished he knew what she needed to help her heal, but he was at a loss. She didn't speak to Jess about it either and he'd hoped she would, them both being women. Abby had erected a wall around herself and he felt helpless. Matt and Becker both told him to be patient, but they didn't know her the way he did.

"Connor?" came Jess's voice at his door. He looked up and saw the worried expression on her face.

"What's the matter?" he begged, already on his feet.

"Abby..."

"What? Where..."

"In the ladies. I went to... and... she's in one of the stalls, crying pretty hard so I thought..." Connor was already past her and rushing to the ladies' locker room. He stopped short when he heard her sobs. He felt his throat constrict and tears well up. He wiped them away quickly. He made sure he could hear his advance and her sobbing promptly stopped.

"Abby? It's me," he said softly, standing near enough to the stall that she could see his feet. She was sitting on the floor. "Come out please, love?" She sniffled and after a minute rose to her feet and unlocked the door. He waited another minute before she came out. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were drenched with tears. He opened his arms to her and after a second of uncertainly she rushed to him. She broke down again and wept and Connor enveloped her in his embrace and held her just as tightly as she held him. Long minutes passed before she calmed enough that he thought he could speak. "Tell me?"

"It's silly," she replied timidly.

"No it's not. Whatever it is, it's important."

"I got my period, that's all."

Connor was confused. She let go of him and walked to the bin in corner to discard the wrapping from a feminine product she'd been clutching in her hand. "It means I'm not pregnant."

"But you said you took that pill."

"They don't always work, it even says so on the box. I knew it would mess up my system, so when I was late I knew it was probably because of that, but I've been nauseous and even sick a few times, so I was worried that he'd... he'd..." She started to hyperventilate as her tears returned in full force. Connor closed the distance between them and held her again while her sobs began a new.

"I had no idea that's what was bothering you. You could have told me, you know?"

"I know. I know. But... it was too much. I was so scared!" He led her over to the bench and sat down with her. He put his arm around her shoulders and rested his head against hers. Abby took his hand and held it. He hadn't broken any bones when he'd punched Burton, but he'd dislocated three of his fingers. They'd spent several hours at casualty while he waited for his x-rays and to then have the bones reset. The swelling was gone and his hand was dotted with faded yellow blue bruises. The insides of her thighs looked the same. Her body was almost done healing itself. In another week there'd be no physical evidence of what Burton had done to her. Her instincts told her this was her moment. She'd been trying to gather up the courage to talk to him for weeks and if she didn't do it now, she probably never would. She'd been keeping the secret for far too long. Knowing that Burton knew and Connor didn't was so very wrong. "This wasn't the first time I've been raped." There, she'd gotten the words out.

"Abby?" The shock and despair in his voice broke her heart. She turned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her head ducking under his chin. Looking at the pain in his eyes was too difficult.

"I told you, in the Cretaceous, remember? That I didn't get along with my step-dad? That I hated him because he was abusive? What I didn't tell you was _how_."

"I thought he used to rough you up, put you down..."

"That's what I let you believe. It was easier. _This_ is hard."

"But, you know you can trust me. You do don't you? And you know how much I love you?"

"I know Connor, don't worry about that. I do trust you, that's why I'm telling you now. I was fifteen the first time it happened."

"Oh Abby..."

"Let me get this out, okay? Mum was out with Jack and would be gone all day. It was just me n' him. It was a Saturday and I was having a late lie. He came in, pulled the covers down. I woke up with him on top of me. I fought him, but he was too big, too strong. He... he got my pants off and then it happened. I was still a virgin. It hurt so much. When he was done I went to the bathroom and threw up. I stayed locked in there for the rest of the day. He talked at me through the door, telling me how mum would never believe me and that it would have to be our secret. He made all sorts of threats. It was awful. When mum came home I tried to tell her, but one look from him shut me up. I was terrified. It happened again two weeks later. And again. And again. I stopped fighting back. If I just let it happen it was over quicker and I could wash up and get back to whatever I was doing."

She dared looked up at Connor. He had tears streaming down his face. He was crying, _for her._ She touched his face with her hand and he quickly grabbed it, moving her palm to his lips and pressing a kiss into it. "How long?" he choked out.

"A year and a half. I guess I'd just finally had enough. There'd been too much pain, too many pregnancy scares. I told my mum finally. She accused me of trying to ruin her marriage. She claimed he was a good man. She didn't believe me, Connor! My own mother!" Connor cradled her face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

"I'm so sorry."

"You believed me, when I told you about Burton. It never crossed your mind that I was lying."

"Not for a second, never."

"How... how could you and she couldn't? Why didn't she believe me?" The pair of them were overwhelmed and wept together, clutching each other. Abby purged years of grief and anguish and sobbed against Connor's chest. The minutes stretched into an hour and by the time they calmed, both were physically exhausted and emotionally drained. Abby looked at Connor and his soulful dark eyes and reached for him. The kiss was brief, but firm and spoke volumes. With Connor's support and love to aid her, she was ready to start healing.

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Something had shifted between them, something towards the positive. After getting herself together, she and Connor left the ladies locker room and walked to Lester's office. Since being reinstated as the sole director of the ARC, he'd been happy as the proverbial clam. He'd always liked this particular office. Despite his feigned indifference, he'd always had strong fatherly feelings towards Connor and Abby and they both knew it. Abby had been eternally grateful to him for facilitating the ARC's move. She wasn't sure she could have ever truly operated within the one owned by Prospero, not with so many spectres haunting its every corner. She knew he hadn't done it just for her, but rather for all of them, to completely purge Philip Burton from their lives. With Connor by her side, she asked Lester to please find her a therapist to meet with. He promised to make the arrangements straight away.

That night as Jess concentrated at her computer, they'd watched television. Stretched out on the large futon, they'd cuddled. It was definitely progress in Connor's mind. It was a subtle shift than how it had been for the past month, but it meant the world to him. She'd laid her head upon his chest and wrapped her arm around his waist. The difference was her thumb tucked under his belt. She hadn't done that since before the attack. In addition another of her affectionate habits had returned. Ever so gently she'd turned her nose to his neck and inhale. It was usually followed by a kiss to the same spot, but when that didn't occur, Connor didn't allow himself to feel disappointed. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. It was enough to give him real hope.

!*!*!

The first few sessions with the therapist didn't go so well. Abby wanted to quit after the first one. She and Connor had been pulled into a row over his insistence that she persevere. She yelled at Connor that the woman was insensitive and asked the most uncomfortable questions. In the end Connor begged her to continue, challenging her that if she ever wanted to truly put Philip Burton behind her she had to deal with what her step-father had done too. She'd slapped him when he'd refused to back down. She'd shut herself up in the bedroom for two hours before reluctantly emerging when he made her dinner. Her eyes were red from crying and she apologized for hitting him. He kissed her cheek and told her not to worry. It would take more than a slap and harsh words to send him packing. Point of fact, there wasn't anything that ever would.

The first two weeks of meetings every other day with Dr. Diane Paget were very intensive and Abby felt drained after each session. She was given leave from active duty and concentrated on the menagerie and meetings with her therapist. She'd come home and sit in the bath behind a locked door for an hour before coming out for dinner. When after a month, Abby asked him out on a date, Connor knew her sessions were helping her. She had vehemently avoided going out in public. Anomaly calls had been different, where all her focus was on the creatures. The chaos was familiar and in a strange way, a comfort. However, as Abby progressed with Dr. Paget, she knew she had to shift her focus. Matt, Becker and the soldiers didn't need her to be there. Connor chose to remain at the ARC with her and worked on his own projects. Going out to dinner and movie with her boyfriend felt extraordinarily normal and at the same time absolutely miraculous.

The next step in her recovery was a big one. Abby invited Connor to come and sit with her while she soaked in the tub. She'd stopped needing the cleansing ritual after her therapy sessions once things progressed with Dr. Paget. Abby had talked at exhaustive length with her about the year and a half in which her step-father abused her - from the first time to the last. She also talked about her mother and her failings. She knew she'd never be able to tell the same accounts to Connor, but telling him that she had told them to her doctor made him proud and that heartened her. It was after the session where they'd finally talked about Burton that Abby had returned to the flat with the thought of opening herself to further contact with Connor. She'd been very confused about what she wanted for some time. He'd been a saint and had never pressured her or even asked if they'd resume the relationship they'd had before. He just assumed that it would happen when she was ready, and if it never did, he could live with it. He amazed her. He always had.

She drew her bath and took off her clothes. She got into the tub of hot water and sunk down to her shoulders before telling him he could come in. He'd seen her more or less naked in the time since everything had begun, as she changed clothes. This was different. The overhead light was out, with the little lamp on the vanity being the only illumination. Connor stepped in closed the door behind him. The sounds of Jess making dinner could be heard through the door. He kept his eyes low to the ground as he advanced before sitting down on the floor so they were eye to eye. He smiled bashfully at her pink cheeks, warmed by the heat of the bath. She looked beautiful with her hair tied up in a loose bun and her blue eyes watching him. When she sat up, he looked away.

"I want you to look at me Connor," she spoke quietly. He cleared his throat and shifted his gaze back to hers, but hesitated to look lower. "Go on." She gave him an encouraging smile and he did as she asked. Her skin was flush red from the heat of the water and glistened. Her breasts were as lovely as he remembered, her nipples were soft and round. "Give me your hand." Tentatively he offered it to her and she guided it to her left breast, holding it there with her hand.

"I don't know what I should do," he said in quiet voice.

"Just touch. I'll pull you away if it gets to be too much for me. I _have_ missed you, Connor. Don't think I haven't. I'm comfortable with this right here right now."

"Okay Abby." He smiled at her and then ever so gently cupped her breast, letting the weight of it settle in his palm. He squeezed just a little, feeling the supple give of her flesh. His thumb passed over the nipple and he felt it harden. Abby's hand remained over his, tensing slightly as a shiver of arousal coursed through her. "May I kiss you?" Abby nodded and he leaned in. Her mouth parted slightly and his tongue slipped between her lips. The kiss was slow and sweet, with tongues caressing and lolling against each other. Connor's lips felt incredibly soft and warm. There really was nothing more lovely in all the world than his kiss. His hand on her breast continued to knead her gently and when his kiss grew a little more aggressive, she pulled his hand away and put it on her shoulder. That was as much as she could handle for a first try. She drew back from him and the look on his face made her nearly burst into tears. He looked so happy. She reached for her loofah and passed it to him.

"Wash my back for me?" She felt happy too.

!*!*!

Their intimacy progressed slowly, but naturally after that first contact in the bath. Kisses were the most sought after form of affection. Connor's hands never strayed from her back or her face, but his mouth was hungry and urgent upon hers. Abby returned his fervour with equal intensity, up to a point. He knew when she put her hands to his chest it was time to stop. It got him worked up, but he had enough self control to back down when she needed him too. One night as they lay in bed, things went further than they ever had before. Abby was bare from the waist up with Connor at her side in the similar state. He worshipped her body with his mouth while his hands held hers tightly. He started at her neck and shoulders with kisses, then edged lower to gently lave her breasts with his tongue and suckle at her nipples. He moaned appreciatively as he feasted upon her flesh while Abby watched him. She felt nervous butterflies dance inside her as she became aroused. She kept an iron grip on his hands and panted for breath. She felt her core flood with arousal and the need for more touching became urgent. A moment later she let go of his hands and pushed him off. Connor closed his eyes and reigned himself in. He was fully aroused and wanted her, but he knew they would go no further tonight. Abby touched his shoulder and he looked at her. With a nod towards the door, she gave him permission to go to the bathroom and take care of himself. She couldn't give him more, but she wouldn't deny him his release either. When he returned to her ten minutes she was under the covers waiting for him. He lay down and Abby curled up at his side. Sleep that night was deep and restful.

Abby's sessions with Dr. Paget were reduced to once every two weeks. Around the same time Connor and Abby purchased a home. They'd been living under Jess' unerring hospitality for far too long. No longer being out in the field on a regular basis had given them time enough to search for the perfect place in the perfect area of the city. There were three bedrooms, a spacious kitchen diner, a cozy reception room and two baths, including an en suite. The best part was the garden. It wasn't massive by any stretch, but it was fairly large for London and had a mature hedge around the perimeter that gave them complete privacy. Abby fell in love with it on sight. She'd been behaving more and more comfortable with her place in the world. She no longer grew nervous at going out in public and even went out by herself during the day. She resumed her kick boxing classes, with Connor watching from the sidelines, determined to hone her skills and get herself back in shape. She had a renewed sense of purpose at the ARC as well. In addition to making the menagerie as hospitable as possible for the creatures, she went out on missions with the team.

Connor finally had a break through. His device had successfully closed five consecutive anomalies with none of them reopening. It had been a major milestone. He duplicated the device and it was used in the field. Anomalies still kept coming, but at least now they could be closed shortly after they opened. This would allow Connor to shift his attention to the crux of Professor Cutter's work - discovering the pattern and the reasons behind their occurrence in the first place. The pride Abby felt was immeasurable. It gave her enough confidence that when they came home on that first day Connor closed an anomaly, she'd sat him down on the couch and unbuckled his trousers. Connor remained passive as she unzipped him and tugged down his boxers. She kissed his mouth and took him in her hands, stroking him and pleasuring him until he climaxed. She'd had a fear haunting her, that she wouldn't be able to look at or touch his penis ever again, but when the moment had come, all she thought of or felt was love for this incredible man that had stood by her through her darkest times and had loved her no matter what.

In the days that passed afterwards, Abby began asking herself if she was ready to give herself to Connor completely. After quiet contemplation and a conversation with Dr. Paget, she decided that she was ready. It was time to take the last vestige of her life back and finally put her past behind her. Now she just had to work up the courage to tell him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was finally summer. Abby couldn't deny that she loved the warm weather. She looked at her closet and all the pretty dresses and cute little outfits she had. Throughout the spring she'd more or less worn variations of the same outfit - heavy boots, jeans, a tshirt with a button down shirt over top and a leather jacket. Dressing for summer made her nervous. Showing skin made her nervous. Going out in shorts and a vest like she usually did would mean men would look at her legs and her breasts and she didn't like that. Dr. Paget told her the anxiety was natural, but dressing one way or another wouldn't not make her any more of a target. Abby remembered what it was like to feel sexy, and how she used to wear tight tops just to tease Connor before they got together. There was a separation in her head from being the young girl whose stepfather abused her, to the woman Connor had first met. Once she was out of the house at sixteen, she'd gone into care with a woman who was kind enough, but refrained from emotional attachment. It was part of a program for homeless teens. Abby had felt as if she was still all alone. She worked hard in school and even began university. When the job at the zoo came up she jumped at the opportunity. Shortly there after came Connor and the anomalies. During the time before she met Connor, she had dated and even had sex with some of the men. It had always proven difficult to keep her mind and body attached during those times, after struggling so hard to ignore what a man was doing to her body. In truth, she never could associate the sex she'd had as anything for herself. That was of course until Connor. A year alone together in the prehistoric past did serve to change her perspective.

After she'd finally confessed her love to him, she'd let him in. When he touched her, gave her pleasure and brought her to her first honest orgasms she'd felt free and loved for the first time. He'd changed how she thought of herself, and of men. They'd made love more than once in the Cretaceous, always wary of her monthly cycle, and countless times once they'd returned. Each time had been wonderful, sometimes reverent and others just plain fun. She'd found what she'd been searching for all her life - acceptance and unconditional love. That was why she'd hated Philip Burton so instantly - he wanted to take that from her. He'd have never won of course. Not he, nor anyone else could ever hope to grasp the depth of what her and Connor's relationship had become over the course of that year. The only thing that could separate them was death. And even then Abby was sure Connor would stick around to take care of her somehow. Philip Burton had taken a lot from her, but little by little she'd been taking it back.

She'd left the ARC at the end of the work day and Connor had remained to finish up reconstructing his replica of Professor Cutter's time map in digital format, just like it had been in _the artifact_ from the future they'd once had in their possession. Tonight she was going to broach the subject with him of making love again. It wasn't going to happen this night, but by Saturday they would have discussed how she wanted the night to go and set up rules. Dr. Paget had given her a plan of action to follow and the paramount thought to retain throughout was that there was no pressure. If she couldn't go through with it, or wanted to stop in the middle, Connor would abide.

Abby had dinner ready for him when he arrived home. They sat down and ate their salads, pasta with sauce and shared a the last of a bottle of wine. The summer sun was hot as it cascaded through the window. Abby had changed clothes, choosing something delicate and pretty from her closet - a white sundress with spaghetti straps and little beads sewn on to the bodice. Connor blushed when he saw her and smiled. He continued to do so throughout their meal.

"You look like you've got something to say, Conn," said Abby as she cleared the table. Connor leaned against the counter as she put the dishes in the sink to be washed.

"I do. I wanted to tell you that you look very pretty tonight. I love that dress," he replied.

"I remember. It's one of your favourites. I wanted to... I dunno, be a little sexy tonight."

"Abby, love, you're always sexy to me."

"I know. Come with me for a minute, I have to talk to you." His face fell and worry crept upon it. "It's a good talk, promise."

"Okay." He smiled tentatively and let her take him by the hand and lead him to the couch in the reception room. They sat facing each other and Abby took a few moments to begin.

"I'd like us to make some plans for this Saturday."

"Oh! Of course, anything you like. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, first I'd like to start with a romantic dinner, then maybe a little making out on this couch."

"Mmm, liking it so far."

"Then, Connor, I want us to make love."

Connor flinched. It wasn't the reaction she'd been expecting. His hand started to tremble in hers and soon, so was the rest of him. "Really... really?"

Perhaps she'd read him wrong and he was just as nervous as her. "Yes. I feel ready. I've been thinking about it for quite some time now. It's been hard to think of sex and not associate it with what's happened, but more and more, all I think about is _you_. I like the way you touch me, the way you make me feel. This was the ultimate goal, wasn't it? To get back what we lost? I want to be with you Connor."

"I... I don't know. It's too soon, isn't it?"

"It's been months. What's the matter? Oh..." She went silent and suddenly all her confidence evaporated. She knew why he was rejecting her. "I understand. Dr. Paget explained it to me."

"Explained what?"

"It's normal, she says. That a woman's partner might not want to... to have sex again. You're either afraid of hurting or scaring me... or..." She paused, becoming shaky and feeling tears well up and her emotions get the better of her. "Or... you can't think about being with me without picturing _him_ and what he did and that makes so I'm not..."

"That's not it. Not exactly. I _am_ afraid of hurting you or scaring you. It's just that... Abby I..." His voice cracked. They were both losing their tenuous grips on their emotions.

"Please just spit it out!"

"It was my fault!" He pulled away from her and got to his feet. He backed away until he hit the wall. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and refused to look at her.

"Connor Temple, it is not your fault that Philip Burton raped me!" She snapped her mouth shut. She wasn't going to get exasperated with him. He'd been nothing but loving and patient all the months of her recovery and she would be the same for him. As she watched the tears stream down his cheeks, Abby realized that he'd cried so much for her but he'd barely given himself the same privilege. She looked at him and willed him to look at her, but he couldn't. "It wasn't your fault," she repeated.

"You were _mine_ Abby!" His voice was hoarse, choking with emotion. Abby waited, knowing he had things he had to get off his chest. This time she'd be there for him. Connor was struggling, she'd be patient. "He had no right to touch you!" He continued finally. "You were mine to protect and I failed! I was so blind and stupid. I couldn't see what a monster he was! I should have been able to stop it from happening!" He put his hands over his face and tried to force himself to stop crying. Abby rose from the couch and went to him. She put her hands on his shoulders and cajoled him. "Please forgive me Abby?"

"Stop it, please. Don't do that to yourself. I don't blame you! I've never blamed you."

"I blame myself. I lost something too that day. I don't know what it is, but it's gone."

"I know, Conn. I do. You'll get it back. I promise." He nodded, not quite believing her, but feeling hopeful. He crushed her to him in a fierce hug.

"I love you so much, Abby." Abby smiled against his neck, inhaled deeply and pressed a kiss to his skin. Connor shuddered and tightened his grasp.

"Come with me." She took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom. "Take your clothes off, get under the duvet."

"But you said Saturday..."

"And I meant it. That's not what's about to happen. Go on." Connor watched as she slipped her sundress off and hung it back up in the closet. He started to disrobe, watching curiously as she stripped of her panties and bra. Together they got into bed and Abby opened her arms to him. She drew him in and cuddled him to her breasts. She stroked his hair and he lay with her, taking in the fact that this was the first time they'd both been completely naked with each other in months. He closed his eyes and let the warmth and softness of her body suffuse him. "Talk to me? Tell me what's you've been holding in all these months?" He did. He spoke in hushed tones, not able to hold back his tears. He told her of the nightmares he'd kept secret from her, horrid dreams in which Burton was attacking her and he was restrained and unable to get to her in time to stop him. He told her of his fears that if they tried to make love again, she'd panic and mistake him for Burton or her stepfather. He begged her for her forgiveness again and Abby assured him that he was not to blame. He cried while she held him and spoke the words he needed to hear to set his mind at ease.

"Connor?" Abby voiced after a while.

"Hmmm?"

"Would you like to try on Saturday?"

"Yes, very much so. I've loved everything we've done so far. If you sure you're ready, I would be, I guess the word is _honoured_." Abby laughed at him, but not in jest, not in the least. It felt so good to know Connor wanted her every bit as much as she did him that it bubbled up inside her and came out as laughter.

"Oh Connor, I love you so much."

!*!*!

Saturday night came quicker that either one of them anticipated. They'd talked at length about the course of action the evening would take. The aim would be to not get so worked up and nervous that they'd end up feeling awkward and couldn't go through with it. At the same time, they were excited. It had been nearly half a year since they'd made love. Their recovery had taken its natural course and Connor had watched Abby go from a shattered woman to a brilliant and strong one. She'd conquered many demons and she'd done it with his help. Connor felt proud of himself and of Abby. They'd weathered the worst the world had thrown at them and come out stronger for it. And more in love. That much they were both fully aware of.

They'd intended to make dinner together and eat by candlelight, but in the end, ordered pizza. The idea was to relax, and this was their way. After dinner they headed to the bedroom and there the romantic tone was set. Connor turned down the bed and arranged the pillows. Abby placed the candles around the room and set them a light. She turned out the lights and they were bathed in a warm amber glow. They stood together at the end of the bed and looked into each other's eyes. Abby's hands went to his belt and undid the buckle while he undid the button on her jeans and lowered the zip. The sound didn't bother her, and hadn't since she'd been brave enough to touch Connor again. They removed each other's clothing and moved to the bed. They'd start with just kissing and caressing each other, taking as much time as they wanted. There was absolutely not need to rush straight to the big event. They sat facing each other and Abby reached out and slipped the tip of her finger through the golden band that hung from a leather strap around his neck. It had been there as long as she'd known him and he'd never taken it off. It wasn't until they'd been in the Cretaceous that she'd learned the meaning behind it. It had been his late father's wedding band.

"If you were to ask me some day, I'd say yes," spoke Abby, smiling across at him.

"You want to marry me?" the astonishment in his voice made her smile. Silly boy.

"I would love to. Ask me, when the time's right."

"I... I will." Encouraged by her declaration Connor's reached for her, cupping her face and drawing her in for a kiss. She smiled against his mouth and threaded her fingers through his hair. His arm went around her waist and pulled her against his chest. Abby's went around his neck and they sunk into deep, wet kisses that left them gasping for air. They were contented with that for several minutes as the slow burn of their arousal rolled through them. Abby was the one in control and Connor was to follow her lead every step of the way. She moaned into his mouth and went over him, pushing him back to the bed. She lay herself beside him, continuing her hungry kisses as she massaged the plain of his chest. She'd always loved how bare his skin was. He'd shaved that morning and his face was still smooth. She never minded his stubble or his beard, but for tonight this was how she wanted him. Connor suspected he knew the reason why. She drew back from him and smiled, then lay down beside him. Connor turned on to his side and waited for her to resume.

This would be a challenge for both of them. This would involve more intimate touching of her body than they'd dared to before. Dr. Paget had encouraged Abby to attempt pleasuring herself, but the few times she'd tried, she'd given up in frustration when she couldn't gain the results she wanted. She'd still lacked trust in her own sexuality. Her response patterns had been scrambled and it had taken all these long months to realign her body and her mind. Connor took her right hand in his left and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Together, yeah?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm nervous," Abby replied.

"Just watch our hands. Push mine away the second you don't like something. I'll stop right away."

She nodded. Connor placed her right hand on her right thigh and his left hand on her left thigh. They moved as one, mirroring each other as they stroked back and forth. After a moment Abby moved inwards and Connor followed. Together they drew her thighs apart and continued their caresses up and down her inner thighs. Abby's breathing increased and her hand stilled. Connor's did so immediately. She took in a shaky breath and briefly glanced at his face. He was watching her hand. She breathed in and out a few times. When her fingers touched her outer lips, his were there next to them. In unison, they rubbed her sex gently with slow, easy strokes, fingers running through the soft curls of her pubic hair. Abby felt the need well up inside her and her fingers parted her labia to her delicate inner folds. When Connor's joined hers she gasped. She straddled a fine line between excitement and fear. She pushed past it and rubbed a little more urgently. The more they went on, the wetter she became and bolder. She needed more, wanted more. She steeled herself and then pressed a finger inside herself. When Connor's finger joined hers she let out a little cry. "Don't stop!" she said quickly, before Connor had a chance to ask her if she was okay.

The sensation of their two fingers moving slowing and and out of her was pleasurable, but Abby had to force herself to remember it was her and Connor touching her and no one else. She repeated his name inside her head over and over in a litany. It eased her fears and allowed her to grow more bold. Her thumb began to circle her clit, moments later Connor's was with her. As the pleasure mounted her eyes fluttered closed. She moved faster and Connor moved with her. Her orgasm was sudden and sharp and Abby cried out with it. Her core pulsed around their fingers and flooded with moisture. Her entire body shuddered with the last of it and Abby was left overwhelmed and heaving for breath. It had been her first orgasm since her last time with Connor. Their fingers slipped from her Connor looked at her face. She was crying.

"Abby, love? What's the matter?" he asked, voice full of concern. "We don't have to do anything else tonight."

Abby wiped away her tears and gave him a watery smile. "It's just a little overwhelming. It's been a long time. It's stirred up a lot of emotions. I'm fine. Better than fine. I didn't think that would ever happen again and it has. It was wonderful, especially because it was with you." Connor returned her smile and leaned in for a kiss. Abby reached down to his cock an took it in her hand. He was half hard already and as soon as she began to touch him it filled out and became erect. "Connor, I'm ready." He nodded and moved away from her. He settled with his back against the pillows that he'd arranged at the headboard.

Abby came closer and situated herself next to him. When he reached for the condom he'd placed on the bedside table she grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"No, don't," she said. Connor tilted his head to one side in confusion, prompting her to explain. "I don't want anything between us. I need to feel _you_, all of you, from beginning to end." She hoped he understood her meaning. Her last association of feeling a man inside her and him releasing was her assault. She needed Connor to replace that, to overshadow it entirely. He nodded and gave her a sweet, encouraging smile. She was nervous, he could tell. He waited patiently and watched as she closed her eyes and took a few steadying breaths. When she'd gathered herself she rose up and put her hands on his shoulders. She swung her leg over his hips, with her entrance poised over his cock.

"You're in control, Abby," assured Connor, locking gazes. "Just keep looking in my eyes and listening to my voice. Stop whenever you want, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you." Abby's gaze did not waiver from his. He smiled at her, cupping her elbows in his hands to steady her. She pressed herself against the head of his cock, feeling his shape and the heat of intimate skin to skin. Her body was ready to take him. "I love you," he said again. Abby gently lowered herself and let him enter her. She gasped as she felt herself stretch around him. Connor stayed perfectly still, but she saw a bead of sweat trickle down his temple. His eyes did not waiver from hers. She took in more of him. She watched Connor's face and felt the hot panting of his breath ghost over her skin. With one last deep breath, Abby sunk herself all the way down. There were no thoughts from her past with her, only this instance with Connor. It felt comforting and familiar to have him inside her, it also felt extremely pleasurable. She stayed immobile, relishing the moment and smiled at him. He let out a funny sort of laugh, she could tell he was relieved. Abby leaned in and kissed him soundly on the mouth, then took her hands from his shoulders to guide them to her hips. Her hands returned to his shoulders and she raised herself up a ways. They both moaned, enjoying the sensation. Abby eased back down, then up again. Connor guided her and kept her rhythm slow and steady. They continued for several minutes, just feeling each other.

Abby felt the stirring of another orgasm deep in her belly. The look of love and sheer wonder on Connor's face reminded her of their first time together in the Cretaceous. It had been just like this, with her in control and him beneath her, amazed and grateful for the love she was giving him. She began to move a little faster, needing the sensations heightened. The muscles in her thighs were beginning to ache and she could see Connor strain to remain still. She didn't want either of them to hold back anymore. She brought him near, crushing their chests together. "Pull your knees up for me," she requested. He did and it altered the angle at which they were joined. Abby stilled with the entirety of him inside her and ground down on him. She circled her hips and tensed her inner muscles around him, making him grunt and groan. Taking confidence from her, Connor tightened the grip on her hips and pulled her down as he started to buck up into her. "Yes! Connor!" she cried.

Their lovemaking became more urgent and intense. Abby was very close and she knew he was too. Her clit ground against the course hairs around his cock as well as against his body. Her eyes closed and a second later she hit her peak. The orgasm was exquisite, she was consumed as her body throbbed and pulsed around his. Connor gave a strangled cry and then she felt his semen wash over her. She forced her eyes to open so she could behold the look of complete ecstasy on his face as he came. They hugged each other close as their bodies cooled and their senses returned. Abby's fingers were in his hair and she pressed her mouth to his ear to whisper. "Connor, that was perfect." After a few more minutes she moved off him feeling his softened cock leave her. Connor left her for only second to extinguish the candles, then arranged the pillows and pulled up the duvet to cover their bodies. They shared a pillow and lay on their sides face to face, holding each other and smiling. There didn't seem to be a need for words, they understood each other perfectly. What had been lost had been found. What had been taken from them had been restored.

The End


End file.
